Coming Out Ain't So Easy To Do
by Broadwaylover4life
Summary: Jessica Capshaw said on The View that "Arizona has been a very good lesbian." Well how did it all start? A take on how Arizona came out to her friends and family. AU, obviously. Set when Arizona is 14 through 16. Rated T for possibly offensive language.


A/N: So, as I mentioned in the description, Jessica said that Arizona has been a very good lesbian. We as viewers don't really know much about her past, and I thought it would be really interesting to learn more about how she came out and became such a 'good lesbian'. So, those of you waiting for updates on other stories, they are coming. I promise. Please excuse the derogatory language. I don't like writing it, but this story was just asking to be written, so I had to do it. Will most likely be 3 or 4 chapters. I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO GREY'S ANATOMY. ALL RIGHTS BELONG TO THEIR RESPECTFUL OWNERS. Please read and review. I want to hear what you think of it! And if you have any ideas for this, feel free to share them with me. Enjoy!

Arizona Robbins always knew she was a bit different from some of her friends. Sure, she liked Barbie dolls and ponies like any other six year old girl. And sure, she could be girly with her friends, yet still hold her own when rough housing with her big brother Tim. Just like any little girl with a big brother could. But even though she acted and looked like her friends, she could always tell there was something different about her.

When she was six years old, and all of the girls in her class talked about marrying Prince Charming from Cinderella one day, Arizona didn't say a word. Arizona didn't want to marry Prince Charming. She didn't want to marry any boys. She would have much rather married Cinderella, or Aurora, or Snow White.

When she was eight, and all of her friends started to get crushes on boys in their class, Arizona didn't understand it. She didn't understand why anyone would want to 'like like' an icky boy. Late one night, she told that to her best friend at the time, Rachel Matthews. Rachel told Arizona that she just had to wait it out. Some girls didn't get feelings for boys until later. Rachel herself had only started liking boys a few months ago.

And so Arizona did just that. She waited, and she waited, and she waited for her to crush on a boy like all of the other girls. Before she knew it, ten had come and gone, twelve following closely behind. By now, Arizona was thirteen years old, in the eighth grade, and living a lie. All of her friends had boyfriends. One of them, Ellen, had even had sex with a boy. (Ellen ended up getting pregnant at fifteen and dropping out of school, so Arizona didn't feel too bad about not wanting to sleep with a boy). What Ellen had done made all of the other girls jealous; it made Arizona want to puke in her mouth. Why would any girl want a boy _inside_ of her like that? When someone asked her who she liked, she would make some lie and say that she liked some boy in her biology class, or her Spanish class, or her drama class.

Of course, none of this was true. Arizona didn't like any boys at all. Not in the way her friends did. She was still waiting for that to happen. You know who she did like though? Her history teacher, Miss Vernhout. Miss Vernhout was about twenty four years old, with long, blonde hair and warm, brown eyes. All of the boys drooled over her, claiming she was 'super hot' and 'a babe'. Arizona liked her because she was so smart and caring. Miss Vernhout had an amazingly kind heart, and seemed to genuinely care about all of her students. And, alright, she _was_ really pretty.

When asked why she wasn't dating anyone, her go to answer was that her father wouldn't allow it. And it wasn't like that was a lie. The colonel would have killed her if she went out with a boy at thirteen. Obviously, there were ways she could get around her father and the ever present iron grasp he held on his daughter; she just didn't admit that to anyone but herself. Whenever some boy would asker out on her date, she would politely thank him for the compliment and then go on to explain that she wasn't allowed to date, but if she was she would have most certainly said yes. This seemed to be a regular occurrence in her life, which surprised the blonde teen. Couldn't the boys tell she wasn't interested in them?

By the time high school rolled around, kids began spreading rumours about her. Rumours swirled around the school that Arizona Robbins was a dyke, or that Arizona was a faggot. These stories made it all the way from grade nine to grade twelve in a matter of days. Arizona had no idea what a dyke or a faggot was, but judging by the tone her peers used, she knew they weren't a good thing.

One day on her lunch break, she slid away from the few friends she had left and snuck into the library, taking the dictionary and finding a seat behind a tall bookshelf. She slowly opened the big, heavy book and looked up the two terms. Arizona was appalled by what they had been calling her. How dare they call her a homosexual! Of course, she wasn't sure what that word meant either...but she had heard people use it many times in a very negative fashion. It was that day in the library, hidden from view by the big bookshelf, that she decided it was time she got a boyfriend; maybe then the kids would stop being so mean to her.

And so, two days later, when Ian Beales asked her out on a date, she said yes to the tall boy who sat next to her in math class. Arizona had absolutely no feelings, romantically anyways, for Ian. Sure, he was nice and smart and wanted to be a doctor like her. She thought they could end up being good friends one day, but that was where her feelings ended.

Ian and Arizona went on their first date in November of Arizona's ninth grade year. The two teens went to see some comedy that had just come out in theatres. The date itself wasn't too bad. It's what happened after the date that made the blonde teenager want to rinse her mouth out with bleach. Ian had kissed her as he walked her to the front door. (Luckily, her father wasn't home, or there would have been two dead teenagers on her front porch). The kiss was only about three seconds long, but it made Arizona's stomach churn. It was her very first kiss; she expected to see fireworks and have butterflies in her stomach. What she felt was the complete opposite.

But she was raised to be polite and courteous, and so when he pulled away, she thanked for a nice evening and promised to call him again soon. And with that, she walked in the house, shut the front door and ran up to her bedroom where she proceeded to cry into her pillow for the next hour or so. She didn't understand why she didn't have feelings for Ian. He was a nice guy, and it wasn't like he was ugly. Why was she like this? What was wrong with her?

Regardless of how she felt about him, Arizona continued to date Ian for almost three months. When kids at school heard that Arizona Robbins was dating Ian, the rumours stopped. People started to talk to the blonde girl again, and all of her friends were now willing to be seen in public with her. Arizona liked that people were suddenly willing to talk to her, and she didn't want to mess that up by dumping Ian.

It was two months into their relationship when Ian and Arizona got invited to a party at the junior team's quarterback's house. The colonel and her mother were out of town that weekend, so the blonde decided she may as well go to the party. All of the cool kids would be there. What was the worst thing that could happen?

The party started off alright, with everyone laughing and talking. Then, some of the grade eleven kids started showing up, and then some of the grade twelve's too. Word quickly spread that a grade twelve had picked the lock to the liquor cabinet, and now everyone was in the works of getting wasted. Arizona, not wanting to be made fun of, grabbed a red solo cup of whatever concoction the older kids had made and took a small sip.

She spit it back into the cup with a cough. The drink was absolutely disgusting! The drink tasted like cherry cough syrup mixed with cinnamon and sweaty gym socks. Even the smell reminded her of the boy's change room at school. Throughout the night, Arizona found various plants or windows to dump the numerous drinks she was offered.

At some point in the evening, Ian got wasted. Like, really, really wasted. Arizona had seen him drink at least four cups of that god awful mixture. So she decided to let him be drunk and stupid with his friends. Quietly, the blonde girl slipped out the back door and walked through the dimly lit backyard. She walked past many couples making out in the dark corners of the large yard, and one couple doing much more than that that made her shudder and walk faster.

Arizona eventually found herself sitting under a gazebo, alone and in silence. She wondered how it could be so loud and crazy inside, yet so calm and peaceful out there in the semi-darkness.

She was startled by someone tapping her on the shoulder. Arizona had been so lost in thought, she hadn't noticed the grade ten girl, Farah, walk up behind her.

"Is this seat taken? The tall, brunette girl asked. Arizona shook her head and gestured to the bench next to her, where Farah gladly took a seat.

"It's Arizona, right?" Farah asked the blonde girl. Arizona nodded her head feverishly. "Well, I'm Farah." She added with a small smile. Arizona smiled slightly and went back to her thoughts. She wasn't in the mood for talking. 'Was it suddenly warm outside?' Arizona thought to herself. Glancing over at Farah, she noticed that the older girl had moved slightly closer to her. Arizona's palms started to sweat, and her heart started to race. What was going on with her? Was she sick?

"I guess you're not much of a partier, huh?" Farah asked the distracted girl. Arizona snapped back to reality.

"What? Oh, no I don't like parties very much. Too many drunk and stupid people. It's much nicer out here." The blonde answered nervously, playing with a strand of her long, curly blonde hair.

"Me too. I don't even know why I came tonight to be honest. I guess I was just hoping to meet someone." Farah said, a far off look clouding her normally peppy face. Farah often reminded her of herself, what with being so perky and peppy most of the time.

"Oh. Yeah, well. I've got Ian, I guess." Arizona muttered, an annoyed undertone to the statement. Farah raised an eyebrow at the younger girl.

"You don't sound so happy about that. Boyfriend troubles?" she asked inquisitively, her full attention now on Arizona. The latter shrugged her shoulders with a sigh.

"Just troubles in general. But yes, boyfriend troubles too." Arizona told her truthfully. Farah reached out slowly and rested a hand on Arizona's shoulder. The blonde felt like her insides were melting. It was so strange. What was happening to her?

"I never really quite got what you saw in Ian." Farah said, causing Arizona to laugh nervously.

"Yeah. I'm not so sure either." The blonde told Farah quietly. The two teens once again fell into an uncomfortable silence, Arizona not in much of a peppy mood, and Farah not knowing what to say.

"It's so peaceful out here. I could stay out here forever." Farah said softly, leaning in closer to Arizona. The blonde girl's heart skipped a beat. What. The. Hell? Why was Arizona feeling like this?

"Yeah. Me too." Arizona agreed, clearing her throat. Farah leaned in even closer to Arizona.

"So you and Ian are having problems, huh?" She whispered, almost in Arizona's ear. A shiver ran up the younger girl's spine.

"I guess we are. Why?" Arizona asked, realizing Farah was too far into her personal bubble. Yet, she couldn't bring herself to pull away or push Farah out of the bubble. Farah made her feel all fuzzy inside.

"No reason." Farah whispered, now about three inches from Arizona's face. Slowly, the brunette lifted a hand and gently rested it on Arizona's cheek, waiting to see if she moved. When the blonde didn't flinch, Farah rested her other hand on the other side of Arizona's face. The latter's heart began to flutter; she knew what Farah was trying to do. Farah was trying to kiss her.

Wasn't it wrong for a girl to kiss another girl? Weren't boys supposed to be with girls, and vice versa? Her whole life that was what she had been told. By her teachers, by her parents, by...well by everyone really. But Arizona didn't want to push Farah away. A part of her wanted so desperately for Farah to kiss her.

And that's what Farah did. Arizona was shocked at first when her lips met her own, but she quickly melted into the kiss. The kiss itself was only about five or six seconds long, but Arizona's head spun on her shoulders. It was so different than a kiss from Ian. Farah was soft and gentle, compared to Ian's rough and hurried kissing. Farah tasted like strawberry, which when she thought about it some twenty years later she found it to be a total cliché. Either way though, at the time it made Arizona want to kiss her again, which terrified her at the same time. She wasn't supposed to have romantic feelings for a girl. That wasn't right. What would her father do when he found out? Arizona didn't even want to think about that.

When Farah pulled away from the younger girl, she rested her forehead against the other girl's. With a smile, Farah sighed and let out a small giggle.

"I have wanted to that for a _really _long time." Farah whispered. Arizona smiled softly, biting her lip.

"Really?" she asked quietly. Farah nodded with a giggle again. Suddenly, Arizona realized where she was and what she had just done. She shot away from the older teen and stood up from her spot on the bench.

"I...uh...Farah...I can't. I can't do this. I have to go." She stuttered, running out of the gazebo and out to the front yard where her bicycle was waiting, without as much as a goodbye to Farah or Ian. The blonde road her bike at record speed down the road towards her house, tears stinging the back of her eyes.

Two months later, Arizona was now over halfway done her ninth grade year, and she still couldn't stop thinking about her kiss with Farah. Ian and her had broken up about a month ago, Arizona refusing to have sex with him, claiming she wasn't ready, which was the truth. Ian said he didn't want to wait for her to be ready, so he dumped her. That was fine by her. She certainly wasn't going to miss him. But she still couldn't shake the feelings she had been developing for Farah. She realized they were what her friends had talked about when they were younger; Arizona had a crush on Farah. That terrified the blonde teen. Why did she like a girl instead of liking boys like all of the other girls around her?

One cold, early March day, Arizona slipped away from her friends at lunch and once again stole the dictionary, resuming her place behind the bookshelf in the library. With shaking hands, Arizona looked up the word homosexuality in the dictionary. It had been eating away at her since she first looked up the other words back in the beginning of the school year. What she found surprised her. Written in tiny letters under the word homosexuality was: a sexual attraction to persons of the same sex. Often referred to as being gay or a lesbian.

Shutting the dictionary with a soft thud, Arizona rested her head back against the bookshelf as tears rolled down her cheeks. As soon as she read it she knew. She was Arizona Brooke Robbins. She was almost fifteen years old. She had a father named Daniel, a mother name Barbara, and an older brother named Timothy. She was a good man in a storm. And she was a lesbian.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed! As a side note, I don't know what her real middle name is, so I made it Brooke because that is what Jessica's actually is. Please review!


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